ready or not!?!?!

One week today I will be 28 years younger and one more year wiser. I find that birthdays are much like new years eve, as the day approaches you tend to look back at the year you just had and hope and wonder what great things are in store for the year ahead.

I guess that would be mean that I am for sure in a phase of reflection, only this year unlike others I find myself looking back not only at the past year but at the complete package, the complete 27 years that have gone by.

A few days ago I was chatting with a friend who said that she felt as though she had lost who she once was in the midst of a lot of the chaos that consumed her life and as we hung up the phone that thought stayed with me for the remainder of that night and the couple days that followed. And as I sit here now and began to reflect on all the time that as passed I think about how opposite of a place I am in my life then my friend.

Instead of feeling lost, I feel completely overwhelmed, because the woman I always vied to be is now the person I see when I look in the mirror and I have no idea how and when that happened, all I know is that she is now there. And as I look back I wish I could tell that 13, 16, 18, and 20 something year old I once was how amazing it all turns out. Only now, I feel like it has all happened soo fast. Like what happened to the innocent days of being 16 and being able to just live??? Now I am consumed with adult like problems like money, bills, apartment hunting, career choices, life paths, kids, marriage, a mortgage. All of which make me feel excited for the second half of my life, but completely freaked out at how it all sort of begins to just come together and then BOOM just like that you are at a point where you always imagined yourself, only instead of feeling completely excited you feel completely scared. Its almost as if you know things are just about to change and you wonder how ready you really are...

And while at 28 I know where and what I want things to look like a year from now, I wonder how ready I really am for any of it? And whether or not, its something I want, my parents want or everyone else wants more then me...

Oh boooy, like I said, whatever happened to being 16??!?!?

Leaving you with something to think about as always

- A