a 30 day transition....

So I must say that I am amazed at a lot of the comments and things I have heard from people on my blog. Not many people comment on the actual posts but the emails, txts & conversations surrounding my writing have been truly inspiring.

The truth is I write because I love to write, its like doing yoga or boxing or anything alike, it is just this amazing release. And while I tend to open up and share a lot of things that are some what personal, I wonder why I do it especially since I tend to keep most things in. I mean you all know my personality is completely out there but at the same time a lot of that is a cover up to a world of fear and anxiety that lives within me. I say a lot of things on this thing, because the truth is I have no clue really who is reading, who cares and if its of any interest to anyone and so writing on this is easier then having to sit down face to face and actually open up to someone. Like most people I have grown up experiencing a lot of growing pains and the hardest area for me to have ever dealt with is the idea of relationships and not just your typical boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but friendships, family, every kind of relationship you can imagine, including the one with myself. I remember blogging about white water rafting when I was in africa and the idea of how easily we trust people we don't know sometimes over the people we know. And that same idea appears again..I mean why is it soo easy for me to sit here and type this blog rather then look at the people I hold the closest to me and share the things that I am dying to share???

It has taken me so long to build the relationship with myself which I trust is at the best point of my life and africa solidified my ability to look in the mirror and say that I love the 27 year old woman I have become. But that doesn't cover up my fear of letting go and just trusting the people around me. Friendships and bonds alike have not always been the easiest for me to keep and for a long time I questioned whether it was me and likely still do a bit. I never look at any of the relationships I have besides the ones with my family and think when I am 90 these bonds will still be untouched, I just haven't had the ability to see how long lasting something can be, with the exception of a few people in my life. And while I am surrounded by the most amazing people a lot of me holds back because at least it will be easier to deal with the loss when it happens. So there you have it...I can write in this blog all I want and open up all I want because at the end of the day this is just continuing to help me build the relationship i have with myself, while I continue to hold back with the people that I love most in my life.

But i can't do this forever. At some point, I am going to have to learn to let go of past issues, stop worrying about what could be and just TRUST & LIVE in the moment I have been blessed with....And now as I get closer to my 28th birthday, I think to myself when does this happen at one point do I realize that patterns can change and that good things can continue to grow? At what point do I make the idea of building these relationships around me a priority and stop hiding behind career and educational goals??....the answer is NOW.

Soo here is the plan. 30 days to a new trusting me, a person who learns to live for the moment and really just let go in every aspect of my life. So in order to stay commited I will blog my way through this transition which will be based on my readings of the Power of Now, my everyday struggle to rid of anxiety's and trust and so on. I'm pealing every layer possible and putting it all out there becuase the 28 year old I will soon become thinks its about time I realized I deserve these strong healthy relationship bonds.

Along with all this I will be giving up drinking, which I don't do much of to begin with, just so I can avoid any confusion or anxiety that could creep its way back in at any moment for the next 30 days.

So...please feel free to share your comments, thoughts, inspiring stories, etc. Because this is going to be a very hard but hopefully rewarding 30 days :)

Thanks to everyone in my life for continuously being patient, here is to making our bonds stronger and healthier.

Day 1 of 30 almost about through, write soon.

- A