why, why & why?!?!?

So clearly I did one of the hottest yoga classes EVER today. Jesus the teacher wasn't kidding when she said the side of the room i practised on was worse then a sauna. As I attempted to hold onto my downward dog, i began to let my mind wander a bit...preciously to the thought WHY THE HELL AM I DOING THIS TOO MYSELF?!?!?!?!?!?

I mean seriously, the room must be 185 degrees, i cant breath, my heart is beating as if it will come out my chest, my clothes are drenched and sticking to me and ALL the while this is suppose to be relaxing??? REALLLY?!?!!?!?...

But then as I lay there in shivasana I begin to realize that quite oftenly we do things we dont understand and the why's behind our actions all just become unanswered questions that remain.

So why? why do we do things that we cant explain to not only the general public but to ourselves? Is it all based on that inner feeling called "intuition" or is it fear that we act out of? I wonder...especially as I sit in this make shift Calgary apartment and think about the path I am treading on that has an ending I can see, but no guarantee it will be the fairy tale ending I hope for.

And the truth is I don't know why and cant even begin to explain why I at least do half the things I do. I mean I am a 28 year old woman who seems to love like I have never been hurt, yet I come from a long list of experiences that only involve being burned...so why I ask myself everyday..WHY, WHY, WHY?!?! Why do I keep doing it, only to have experiences that seem to continuously add to that list?

And I know I am not alone. I know there are a million girls, guys and inbetweens like me. And i can't begin to answer for everyone else. But for me at least I have it narrowed down to the way Gege put it in "he's just not that into you"...For every try you get closer or you hope that you do..
And that I think applies to everything in anyone's life..you never really give up becuase you believe if you try hard enough you will succeed.

And I think the more willing you are to try or push proves just how committed you are to that path of succession. Does it make sence??

Sooo for now as I sign off and attempt to recuperate from tonites yoga class, I think to myself why give up, when i know anything else just illustrates settling...which only means that I gotta continue to hope and believe and SUCKKK IT UP through the hard timmes....

FAWWWK! ...lol
-Arti