Not a moment too soon, but just a little too late....

I have been sitting here for days, trying to figure out how to write what I want to write. In the midst of the chaos of my life I feel like it has come to a complete stand still on more levels than one. I get that feeling that you get when you wanna scream soo loud that it stops time, but yet I cant seem to even let myself stop for long enough to let that happen....

So why suddenly has this feeling come over me? And why does it continue to weigh me like more than a tonne of bricks?

As most of you know I coach students, well really adult professionals through the CA process. Its something I take great pride in and is a responsibility that weighs on me more then the job that actually pays. So back in January I was introduced to a girl from my former firm who had just failed the first of these 3 crazy exams for the third time. With the pressure of the potential job loss that could come with a 4th failure, the feeling of a loss of confidence and ability and the utter frustration of what more could she do, we were connected. And much like any relationship over the past few months it has grown into a very trusting one. A quite girl whom I never expected to just come out of her shell and reach out for help, suddenly depended on me more then most of my students ever had....

So her study leave approached and we solidifed a schedule and a check in protocal and forward she marched on more confident then ever. Then suddenly I recieved a call from her last week Wednesday and it was from the minute she started talking that my world stood still...



Without revealing too much, here is the synopsis.....



Boy meets girl, girl meets boy its the start of high school and an amazingly young love begins to flourish. Then as high school comes to an end the two see the need to grow beyound what they have been presented in their lives and move to North America. Him to Florida and Her to Toronto. The aches, pains, struggles and growing pains bring the two together but also seperate them as they begin the on and off cycle that most relationships undergo...as I have begun to learn...Needless to say years pass and the cycle continues...and suddenly after going through an off phase that has lasted months and months, the two are reconnected through a simple phone call. It is here the cycle can start again, only she puts her foot down and screams and yells for all the ups, downs and hurts that he has caused. They end the call and She goes back to think...within days she realizes where her heart lies and as she plans to call him to tell him everything on his birthday as a suprise, She recieves a call....and this is where it ends...

Because as She anxiously awaited his birthday to open her heart and reveal her feelings...he had drown to death in a Florida water way and will now never be there to pick up that call....

I can't even begin to explain the feelings I feel. And while my heart hurts for her more than anything else, my mind is racing with questions.

I mean is life as long as we consider it to be? And how much future planning can we do, if really our time here on what we call earth is clicking away like a time bomb??On top of that, for how long must we follow those relationship rules of playing games and not letting anyone in? At what point do we break freee and add a little bit of unrealism to our actions??

I mean at what point do we let our ego's stop driving us and just do what we want to do with out fear, with out question and with out regret. I mean what if you waited soo long just to let it all out, only to realize that there would be no one on the other end - and not becuase they are in another relationship, but becuase they are no longer there...

Not to sound dramatic but the reality is, it could be true for all you know...if 2morrow never came would stupid exams, jobs, and things like money ever really matter as much as love, life and family?

In that one phone call I recieved last week, I came to realize what I loved about teaching and that was that my studentst taught me more about life and love then any corporate type job could ever give me. And its all these lessons that make me better, stronger and wiser...

And with that I leave you with this ...

"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”

If life is stronger, that just means you need to keep living enough to make those memories last a lifetime...

-A