The infamous Revolving door...the one I could spend hours in as a child and the one that seems to sum up my life when it comes to the title of "best friend" or friend...
I thought as I got older, the concept of the revolving door theme would calm down a bit, but it seems the older I get the worse it seems to get. I mean the idea of the revolving door I guess is similar to that idea of seasons and time and how certain people just come into your life for short periods of time only to leave footprints (or stab wounds) in your heart.
I know we have all experienced this, after all it doesnt just represent the idea of friends but rather relationships as well...
Why you ask all of sudden does the idea of this pop into my head? Well, here goes...
Today, the 11th of July is a day I have spent for you dont even want to know how many years attempting to make it something beautiful for someone who I understood to embody the traits of someone I would take to my grave...My best friend. The one who no matter how much of a revolving door my friends seemed to take in my life, always stayed constant. Its like I never really had to worry about the revolving door becuase I had her and no matter how bad any relationship got whether with a boy or just with my girl friends, it didn't matter becuase she was there...The concept was rather beautiful to me and made me feel so special becuase I hadn't had that many people just stay for long periods of time in my life...maybe thats why I close myself off soo much when in person and only let snipits out at a time..who knows....
Anyways, as you guessed it this relationship is no more. And while it ended extremely coldly on the other end, I can't imagine nor fathom how something so beautiful could have just been simply forgotten or replaced. And now many months later, I have had to experience utter and complete heart break, job change, endless back and forth and questioning of the path I have chosen for my life and the list continues all on my own. I would be wrong to say I didnt have anyone holding my hand becuase I have, but becuase so much of myself depended on her, its like I have been left not knowing how to even depend on people...
So my question is does it get easier?
I mean becuase along with this, I feel like I have been struggling with having to continuously proove myself to the friends I do have and quite frankly I am getting so exhausted. I come home from work, school or play and just plop into bed at nite and wonder who will be left standing with me 5, 10 or 15 years from now...
Maybe the idea is as it stands. That the only people that will really always be around will be family and the rest is just a pile of experiences that you will live to tell about....
Thoughts?
Til Next time
- A
P.s. Before I get too many pity calls - one still remains for me...one meaning a best friend and there aint no way this friendship will ever die we promised each other bitch slaps before it ever happened...lol...LOVE YA FOTO :)
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