I have been struggling for days with what to write. My mind is a complete blur and as I try and process things I have found out that I likely should not know, my heart, head and everything in between is at a complete state of question.
The topics of posts that I kept toying with were the idea of "normal/conventional" and commitment, neither of which I know much about since I tend to always follow unconventional paths that make me wonder if I stick to them because I am scared of the idea of commitment and having to trust anyone that much. Clearly those around me know that when it comes to those that are closest to me or that have been closest to me, there seems to be a somewhat "Revolving door" theme. Mhmm, and I have trust issues, you wonder?
In the midst of me trying to figure out how to explain all the things in my head and cope with the emotions of being utterly in a state of "I just don't know", I experienced what appears to have been one of the single most beautiful moments of my life and before I dive in, I just want to say thank you to Alicia, for letting me be apart of such an incredible moment :)
So, there alicia and I were, at spadina gardens clearly the best hakka resto in the city, when she gets the text from her brother in law that her sister michelle will begin pushing in 1/2 an hour (back-up, one moment...pushing means she is in labour!!!!). Both in complete excitement we flee the resto and race back to the hospital.
We go in to see Michelle, just before the doctor's come in and she is completely calm and ready to go. It was as if having a baby was a daily activity for her, I mean what happened to the screamming, out of control ladies on TV? I was soo incredibly confused, but she reassurred me that the drugs made her that calm..CLEARLYYY I will be taking every drug the doctor has, nooo attempt at natural pregnancy here, thank you!
Anyways, after saying our goodlucks, Alicia and I head to the waiting room where we sat with her mother, her other sister, her sister's inlaws and her brother -in law's best friend & partner. We all sat around giggling, laughing and sharing stories, while awaiting any news. And then about an hour or 2 later a text was recieved by the grandmother's first of the first picture of Joshua Neil, absolutley stunning. The minute the pictures come through the tears in the room start flowing, and the hugs and kisses begin. It was one of those moments where you get caught up in feeling how amazing life really is.
But as I sat there taking such a moment in, I began to realize that everything I wanted to write about was in front of me. How was it, that I could be surrounded by what I was? Michelle comes from a Trini family, whom represents the typical standard trini family, am I right alicia? And Devon her husband comes from your atypical Jewish family, you know predominant famlies, with lots of wealth, representing high society living. The two families were bound by their love and commitment to an unconventional path. Falling in love with people whom their families never expected for each of them, yet they stuck to it and allowed their love to endure, and with time any reserved or ill feelings the families had, were erased and together in that waiting room they sat completely harmonized by love.
On top of that sat with us Devon's best friend, who will b the God Father to Little Joshua. He was accompanied by his partner and you know what that means. A gay couple again bound to each other by their commitment to an unconventional path once again.
It was absolutely beautiful and gave me the thought that maybe I just stuck to unconventional paths becuase I followed my heart and my instincts and chose to not conform to what other people have wanted for me. While I know everyone has their best of intentions, I am coming to realize that if you really just stop and listen to your insides for a moment it will tell you everything you need to know.
And its when you hear that voice, you learn to trust, stay committed and stick to unconventional paths even in its most trying moments. This is why we never really give up on things we believe in, after all that is the power of commitment, isn't it?...
Til Next time
-A
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