So here I am essentially single in the city, living the ultimate SJP experience no? I mean, killer penthouse condo, amazing view of the city in one of the hottest areas, and steps from the trendiest shopping district Toronto has to offer. On top of all that, I have no extra tooth brushes in the holder, no toilet seat to repeatedly put down and no extra articles of clothing laying around that have special washing and ironing directions, ITS ALL MINE!!!!!!! And I'm not saying that sharing it with someone wouldn't be awesome, I'm just saying that for right now my space is my space and for this one reason I say that its fully time to experiment, wouldn't you?
After realizing that the life I thought I was going to have was no longer, I decided to think about that bucket list, you know not the list of things I want to do before I die, but the things I want to do before I get married, have kids, raise a family and ultimately sell my soul. So while there are obvious career & life goals, the fun stuff includes ways on getting out there, meeting people and figuring how exactly you find "the one" in the middle of this chaotic place.
So place number one - Speed dating?!?!?!!?!? After months and months of contemplating, I bit the bullet and attempted this crazy concept. I won't say where, with whom or how it all came about, but let's just say it did in fact happen. AND LET ME TELL YOU....it was likely one of the most exhausting experiences ever, even for a chatter box like myself. So let's set the stage.
50 guys, 2.5 minutes each and they all come to ME?...mhmm, I could get used to this new aged thought of an assembly line, lol. Everyone is handed a piece of paper that has all the participants of the opposite sex on it, a space for comments and a check box that says yes or no. The bell rings and there you have it, bachelor number one makes his way to you. The bell continues to ring every 2.5 minutes to alert the guys to essentially move on to the next one.
Now, the idea is that based on the amazing conversations you share in 2.5 minutes each of you is suppose to check the yes/no box. At the end of the nite you are to go home, log into the site and place your yes's and no's online. Every time yes's match up, personal information such as email addresses are exchanged and the dating begins so to speak. Now I won't even take it that far, because the truth is I have no idea where that paper went and after going through these motions for about an hour or so everyone started to seem the EXACT SAME.
The concept I have to say actually makes a lot of sense, I mean its the most bang for your buck. It's your chance to get out in the city for a night and meet people that are somewhat serious about finding someone and experience a full season of the bachelor/bachelorette without all the unnecessary drama and rose ceremonies. Great concept, only the pool of men usually don't embody anything like you see on TV.
I definitely have some funny stories to share about the men i did meet ( i.e. the movie funder, the tattooed covered man and the ones that sat their not saying a word) , my favorites were the ones that approached you, sat down and immediately checked yes without even asking your name. Flattering yes, but at the same time being a former fatty myself, I kind of want someone to say yes because of the substance and not based on the things that are definitely all going to be due south in the next 20-30 years. I mean let's be honest, there is only so much that botox and plastic surgery can do, lol. I just remember thinking, really at this point I could say anything and you would nod your head and smile, so you can imagine the crap that flew out of my mouth...lol
Needless to say the pool of men was extremely interesting and while I wouldn't do it again at the risk of running into anyone I know, the reality is that it does open you up and stretch you completely out of your box and comfort zone. I mean I sat there through some of the best conversations I have ever had and wondered if I saw you at a bar and you approached me, I would probably look the other way. And while I think we all have these ideas of what our ultimate mate should look like or embody, the truth is after pooling a lot of my friends in successful relationships lately, the consensus has been that usually everything you want is there, but the packaging is just so not what you thought....
Interesting thought no? Almost like the that saying you heard repeatedly in elementary school and high school not to judge a book by its cover. In this day in age, with life being so chaotic and so busy a concept like this makes SO MUCH SENSE, you just have to show up with absolutely no expectations and a completely open mind.
For me, I still want that fairy tale, no matter how cynical, guarded and stand offish I can seem at times, I really just want to meet my best friend and for me that won't happen at a speed dating event...sooo with that being said speed dating check, on to the next one?!?!
Til the next is complete
- A
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
A Brand NEW Beginning
A year ago, I embarked on a journey that essentially has changed my entire life as I know it. I left completely freaked out about leaving my quote unquote perfect life behind, worried that everyone would change and essentially I would come back with out a place to fit. The reality is that while life continued here, I was the one that came back completely different and likely changed for the good, the better and for who I always wanted to be. And while the months or the year since I have returned have been full of change, turmoil, heart break and growing up, I can't help but feel stronger then I have ever felt before. A force to be reckoned with so to speak or a Woman and no longer a girl who is ready to have the life she has always dreamed.
A year ago I also began blogging and I realized that while many people have hobbies or passions like dance, music, arts and crafts, mine is writing. Whether I am good at it or not, it is what I love to do and essentially if I could have any job right now, it would likely be to have my column in a book, magazine, newspaper or any other type of media where I could just get paid to research and write about anything and everything under the sun.
When I started this blog, I didn't really have any clear direction on where I wanted to go, and just thought that from my daily life I would get hints and tips on what to write on, which I did but based on the things I was experiencing that line between me wanting to constructively write and also use this as an outlet for me began to become soo grey that there was just too much emotions tied up in this.
So after taking a bit of a hiatus and essentially thinking to myself that I would no longer continue to blog, something happened that changed my perspective on this crazy thing that we call life.
A couple months ago, as I began to enjoy my deactivation from facebook and my new found sense of freedom from the addictiveness of social media, I got a call from someone who is extremely dear to me. The conversation that began to take place is one that I would have never expected, and after hearing that the 28 year old life on the other side of the phone was in jeopardy and possibly headed for an early ending I realized just how short life was.
So the questions on how to spend the time we have now and the people we want to spend that time with, all began to float in my head and as I walked home from work in the days that followed, while the music blaring in my ears from my Ipod all I could think was I just want to spend the time I have doing what I love, with the people who respect me, understand that I am not perfect and essentially see and believe the good in who I strive to always be. And with that I ended up here, aren't you lucky???
Only now, I have a clear idea of where I want this to go and how constructive writing can still be an outlet for me as long as I leave my emotions to the left of the keyboard...lol
Soooo without further adue, welcome to MY BLOG :) Just because I essentially can! The idea is to create a forum. A chance to air out anything and everything. And I don't mean emotional drama but rather things that we all sorta just wonder - whether its something we have always wanted to try, we have always thought, wondered or question - It will all be put in here!
I am off facebook now, and officially have no way of sending out post updates, SO PLEASSSE bookmark, check back, follow me on twitter (which i am still attempting to learn)- anything...to support. Like a starving artist, I am a starving writer, who would love a following :)
Let the POSTTIIING BEGINNN shall we say :)
- A
p.s. On twitter - "MadameArti"
A year ago I also began blogging and I realized that while many people have hobbies or passions like dance, music, arts and crafts, mine is writing. Whether I am good at it or not, it is what I love to do and essentially if I could have any job right now, it would likely be to have my column in a book, magazine, newspaper or any other type of media where I could just get paid to research and write about anything and everything under the sun.
When I started this blog, I didn't really have any clear direction on where I wanted to go, and just thought that from my daily life I would get hints and tips on what to write on, which I did but based on the things I was experiencing that line between me wanting to constructively write and also use this as an outlet for me began to become soo grey that there was just too much emotions tied up in this.
So after taking a bit of a hiatus and essentially thinking to myself that I would no longer continue to blog, something happened that changed my perspective on this crazy thing that we call life.
A couple months ago, as I began to enjoy my deactivation from facebook and my new found sense of freedom from the addictiveness of social media, I got a call from someone who is extremely dear to me. The conversation that began to take place is one that I would have never expected, and after hearing that the 28 year old life on the other side of the phone was in jeopardy and possibly headed for an early ending I realized just how short life was.
So the questions on how to spend the time we have now and the people we want to spend that time with, all began to float in my head and as I walked home from work in the days that followed, while the music blaring in my ears from my Ipod all I could think was I just want to spend the time I have doing what I love, with the people who respect me, understand that I am not perfect and essentially see and believe the good in who I strive to always be. And with that I ended up here, aren't you lucky???
Only now, I have a clear idea of where I want this to go and how constructive writing can still be an outlet for me as long as I leave my emotions to the left of the keyboard...lol
Soooo without further adue, welcome to MY BLOG :) Just because I essentially can! The idea is to create a forum. A chance to air out anything and everything. And I don't mean emotional drama but rather things that we all sorta just wonder - whether its something we have always wanted to try, we have always thought, wondered or question - It will all be put in here!
I am off facebook now, and officially have no way of sending out post updates, SO PLEASSSE bookmark, check back, follow me on twitter (which i am still attempting to learn)- anything...to support. Like a starving artist, I am a starving writer, who would love a following :)
Let the POSTTIIING BEGINNN shall we say :)
- A
p.s. On twitter - "MadameArti"
Thursday, July 22, 2010
LOVE
LOVE....
What is it? And for that matter what does it even mean, stand for and everything in between?
It's been about 4 years since I have said that "L" word to anyone other than my family and immediate friends, and while I may have thought I was close a time or two since it's one of those things I just won't say again until I know it's the last time...I know I am suppose to be living in the POWER OF NOW and be able to seize moments, but it's like the Snow Patrol Song Chasing cars - "Those 3 words, Are Said too Much, they're not enough"...How many times can "I love you" be said, with out beginning to sound the same from person to person.
When I was growing up, I believed in the idea of a cinderella fairy tale. You know Prince Charming and all his charmingness would come sweep me off my feet and love me forever more, bad hair days and all. And the older I get I remind myself of those dreams I had growing up, but then I force myself into reality realizing that things like marriage and starting a family can't just be as simple as that. I mean there is work involved, isn't there? Or have I convinced myself that it all requires that much work, only becuase things just haven't fallen into my lap like that?
What do you think?
I know I raise all these random issues - but let's face it, I'm a late 20 something attempting to make decisions that will affect me for the next 30-40 years of my life or however long I live. I mean am I suppose to walk down the street, magically bump into a stranger and that's it, love at first site will suddenly become forever lasting love? He will magically love me for all my imperfections, our families will combine as one and be amazing and we will walk off into the sunset? MHMM, YEAAA...NO!...lol...I mean in all seriousness doesn't all the glamour fade after awhile, and then suddenly all relationships become work?
I don't struggle with the idea of having to put the effort in, I mean at the end of the day, to know that one person will love you no matter what you could ever do or look like is more than enough for me to want to work through any battle or issue or crisis that we could face. My struggle is with the idea of LOVE and how we distinguish what real LOVE is? And do we LOVE or stay in LOVE becuase we are comfortable and afraid to take risks that seem like those fairy tale momenets we dreamt about as kids? Or do we really just realize that LOVE isn't all that stuff they make it out to be in the movies, rather instead it is as simple as a smile and a warm, secure hug?
I leave you with many questions as I struggle with the cross roads that I face. But before I go, I did think about what LOVE may mean to me...the list is quite long of course, it is from me after all..but never the less it is not exhaustive or complete...
LOVE IS....
a smile that reaches your eyes when you see that person, the warm hug and the sense of security you feel in that persons arms, a single gerber daisy, an uncontrolable sense of laughter you can have in the company of the ones you love, looking at each other at any given moment and not having to say a word and know what each of you is thinking, sticking it through all the good, bad and ugly, knowing when selflessness must come into play, being soo completely vulnerable you feel almost naked, knowing that no matter how bad it can get you'll never be alone, singing at the top of your lungs as you drive in the car, making up a million goofy dances and songs, noticing all the little things, holding a purse without complaining, FAMILY, doing things we hate just to make someone happy, waiting in the wings for the time to be right, and the list continues in my head, heart and mind.....
Till Next time - Continue loving the one's your with and never let a moment go by without saying how you feel, you never know when it could just be too late...
-Arti
What is it? And for that matter what does it even mean, stand for and everything in between?
It's been about 4 years since I have said that "L" word to anyone other than my family and immediate friends, and while I may have thought I was close a time or two since it's one of those things I just won't say again until I know it's the last time...I know I am suppose to be living in the POWER OF NOW and be able to seize moments, but it's like the Snow Patrol Song Chasing cars - "Those 3 words, Are Said too Much, they're not enough"...How many times can "I love you" be said, with out beginning to sound the same from person to person.
When I was growing up, I believed in the idea of a cinderella fairy tale. You know Prince Charming and all his charmingness would come sweep me off my feet and love me forever more, bad hair days and all. And the older I get I remind myself of those dreams I had growing up, but then I force myself into reality realizing that things like marriage and starting a family can't just be as simple as that. I mean there is work involved, isn't there? Or have I convinced myself that it all requires that much work, only becuase things just haven't fallen into my lap like that?
What do you think?
I know I raise all these random issues - but let's face it, I'm a late 20 something attempting to make decisions that will affect me for the next 30-40 years of my life or however long I live. I mean am I suppose to walk down the street, magically bump into a stranger and that's it, love at first site will suddenly become forever lasting love? He will magically love me for all my imperfections, our families will combine as one and be amazing and we will walk off into the sunset? MHMM, YEAAA...NO!...lol...I mean in all seriousness doesn't all the glamour fade after awhile, and then suddenly all relationships become work?
I don't struggle with the idea of having to put the effort in, I mean at the end of the day, to know that one person will love you no matter what you could ever do or look like is more than enough for me to want to work through any battle or issue or crisis that we could face. My struggle is with the idea of LOVE and how we distinguish what real LOVE is? And do we LOVE or stay in LOVE becuase we are comfortable and afraid to take risks that seem like those fairy tale momenets we dreamt about as kids? Or do we really just realize that LOVE isn't all that stuff they make it out to be in the movies, rather instead it is as simple as a smile and a warm, secure hug?
I leave you with many questions as I struggle with the cross roads that I face. But before I go, I did think about what LOVE may mean to me...the list is quite long of course, it is from me after all..but never the less it is not exhaustive or complete...
LOVE IS....
a smile that reaches your eyes when you see that person, the warm hug and the sense of security you feel in that persons arms, a single gerber daisy, an uncontrolable sense of laughter you can have in the company of the ones you love, looking at each other at any given moment and not having to say a word and know what each of you is thinking, sticking it through all the good, bad and ugly, knowing when selflessness must come into play, being soo completely vulnerable you feel almost naked, knowing that no matter how bad it can get you'll never be alone, singing at the top of your lungs as you drive in the car, making up a million goofy dances and songs, noticing all the little things, holding a purse without complaining, FAMILY, doing things we hate just to make someone happy, waiting in the wings for the time to be right, and the list continues in my head, heart and mind.....
Till Next time - Continue loving the one's your with and never let a moment go by without saying how you feel, you never know when it could just be too late...
-Arti
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The Revolving Door....
The infamous Revolving door...the one I could spend hours in as a child and the one that seems to sum up my life when it comes to the title of "best friend" or friend...
I thought as I got older, the concept of the revolving door theme would calm down a bit, but it seems the older I get the worse it seems to get. I mean the idea of the revolving door I guess is similar to that idea of seasons and time and how certain people just come into your life for short periods of time only to leave footprints (or stab wounds) in your heart.
I know we have all experienced this, after all it doesnt just represent the idea of friends but rather relationships as well...
Why you ask all of sudden does the idea of this pop into my head? Well, here goes...
Today, the 11th of July is a day I have spent for you dont even want to know how many years attempting to make it something beautiful for someone who I understood to embody the traits of someone I would take to my grave...My best friend. The one who no matter how much of a revolving door my friends seemed to take in my life, always stayed constant. Its like I never really had to worry about the revolving door becuase I had her and no matter how bad any relationship got whether with a boy or just with my girl friends, it didn't matter becuase she was there...The concept was rather beautiful to me and made me feel so special becuase I hadn't had that many people just stay for long periods of time in my life...maybe thats why I close myself off soo much when in person and only let snipits out at a time..who knows....
Anyways, as you guessed it this relationship is no more. And while it ended extremely coldly on the other end, I can't imagine nor fathom how something so beautiful could have just been simply forgotten or replaced. And now many months later, I have had to experience utter and complete heart break, job change, endless back and forth and questioning of the path I have chosen for my life and the list continues all on my own. I would be wrong to say I didnt have anyone holding my hand becuase I have, but becuase so much of myself depended on her, its like I have been left not knowing how to even depend on people...
So my question is does it get easier?
I mean becuase along with this, I feel like I have been struggling with having to continuously proove myself to the friends I do have and quite frankly I am getting so exhausted. I come home from work, school or play and just plop into bed at nite and wonder who will be left standing with me 5, 10 or 15 years from now...
Maybe the idea is as it stands. That the only people that will really always be around will be family and the rest is just a pile of experiences that you will live to tell about....
Thoughts?
Til Next time
- A
P.s. Before I get too many pity calls - one still remains for me...one meaning a best friend and there aint no way this friendship will ever die we promised each other bitch slaps before it ever happened...lol...LOVE YA FOTO :)
I thought as I got older, the concept of the revolving door theme would calm down a bit, but it seems the older I get the worse it seems to get. I mean the idea of the revolving door I guess is similar to that idea of seasons and time and how certain people just come into your life for short periods of time only to leave footprints (or stab wounds) in your heart.
I know we have all experienced this, after all it doesnt just represent the idea of friends but rather relationships as well...
Why you ask all of sudden does the idea of this pop into my head? Well, here goes...
Today, the 11th of July is a day I have spent for you dont even want to know how many years attempting to make it something beautiful for someone who I understood to embody the traits of someone I would take to my grave...My best friend. The one who no matter how much of a revolving door my friends seemed to take in my life, always stayed constant. Its like I never really had to worry about the revolving door becuase I had her and no matter how bad any relationship got whether with a boy or just with my girl friends, it didn't matter becuase she was there...The concept was rather beautiful to me and made me feel so special becuase I hadn't had that many people just stay for long periods of time in my life...maybe thats why I close myself off soo much when in person and only let snipits out at a time..who knows....
Anyways, as you guessed it this relationship is no more. And while it ended extremely coldly on the other end, I can't imagine nor fathom how something so beautiful could have just been simply forgotten or replaced. And now many months later, I have had to experience utter and complete heart break, job change, endless back and forth and questioning of the path I have chosen for my life and the list continues all on my own. I would be wrong to say I didnt have anyone holding my hand becuase I have, but becuase so much of myself depended on her, its like I have been left not knowing how to even depend on people...
So my question is does it get easier?
I mean becuase along with this, I feel like I have been struggling with having to continuously proove myself to the friends I do have and quite frankly I am getting so exhausted. I come home from work, school or play and just plop into bed at nite and wonder who will be left standing with me 5, 10 or 15 years from now...
Maybe the idea is as it stands. That the only people that will really always be around will be family and the rest is just a pile of experiences that you will live to tell about....
Thoughts?
Til Next time
- A
P.s. Before I get too many pity calls - one still remains for me...one meaning a best friend and there aint no way this friendship will ever die we promised each other bitch slaps before it ever happened...lol...LOVE YA FOTO :)
Monday, July 5, 2010
a beautiful unconventional moment full of commitment...
I have been struggling for days with what to write. My mind is a complete blur and as I try and process things I have found out that I likely should not know, my heart, head and everything in between is at a complete state of question.
The topics of posts that I kept toying with were the idea of "normal/conventional" and commitment, neither of which I know much about since I tend to always follow unconventional paths that make me wonder if I stick to them because I am scared of the idea of commitment and having to trust anyone that much. Clearly those around me know that when it comes to those that are closest to me or that have been closest to me, there seems to be a somewhat "Revolving door" theme. Mhmm, and I have trust issues, you wonder?
In the midst of me trying to figure out how to explain all the things in my head and cope with the emotions of being utterly in a state of "I just don't know", I experienced what appears to have been one of the single most beautiful moments of my life and before I dive in, I just want to say thank you to Alicia, for letting me be apart of such an incredible moment :)
So, there alicia and I were, at spadina gardens clearly the best hakka resto in the city, when she gets the text from her brother in law that her sister michelle will begin pushing in 1/2 an hour (back-up, one moment...pushing means she is in labour!!!!). Both in complete excitement we flee the resto and race back to the hospital.
We go in to see Michelle, just before the doctor's come in and she is completely calm and ready to go. It was as if having a baby was a daily activity for her, I mean what happened to the screamming, out of control ladies on TV? I was soo incredibly confused, but she reassurred me that the drugs made her that calm..CLEARLYYY I will be taking every drug the doctor has, nooo attempt at natural pregnancy here, thank you!
Anyways, after saying our goodlucks, Alicia and I head to the waiting room where we sat with her mother, her other sister, her sister's inlaws and her brother -in law's best friend & partner. We all sat around giggling, laughing and sharing stories, while awaiting any news. And then about an hour or 2 later a text was recieved by the grandmother's first of the first picture of Joshua Neil, absolutley stunning. The minute the pictures come through the tears in the room start flowing, and the hugs and kisses begin. It was one of those moments where you get caught up in feeling how amazing life really is.
But as I sat there taking such a moment in, I began to realize that everything I wanted to write about was in front of me. How was it, that I could be surrounded by what I was? Michelle comes from a Trini family, whom represents the typical standard trini family, am I right alicia? And Devon her husband comes from your atypical Jewish family, you know predominant famlies, with lots of wealth, representing high society living. The two families were bound by their love and commitment to an unconventional path. Falling in love with people whom their families never expected for each of them, yet they stuck to it and allowed their love to endure, and with time any reserved or ill feelings the families had, were erased and together in that waiting room they sat completely harmonized by love.
On top of that sat with us Devon's best friend, who will b the God Father to Little Joshua. He was accompanied by his partner and you know what that means. A gay couple again bound to each other by their commitment to an unconventional path once again.
It was absolutely beautiful and gave me the thought that maybe I just stuck to unconventional paths becuase I followed my heart and my instincts and chose to not conform to what other people have wanted for me. While I know everyone has their best of intentions, I am coming to realize that if you really just stop and listen to your insides for a moment it will tell you everything you need to know.
And its when you hear that voice, you learn to trust, stay committed and stick to unconventional paths even in its most trying moments. This is why we never really give up on things we believe in, after all that is the power of commitment, isn't it?...
Til Next time
-A
The topics of posts that I kept toying with were the idea of "normal/conventional" and commitment, neither of which I know much about since I tend to always follow unconventional paths that make me wonder if I stick to them because I am scared of the idea of commitment and having to trust anyone that much. Clearly those around me know that when it comes to those that are closest to me or that have been closest to me, there seems to be a somewhat "Revolving door" theme. Mhmm, and I have trust issues, you wonder?
In the midst of me trying to figure out how to explain all the things in my head and cope with the emotions of being utterly in a state of "I just don't know", I experienced what appears to have been one of the single most beautiful moments of my life and before I dive in, I just want to say thank you to Alicia, for letting me be apart of such an incredible moment :)
So, there alicia and I were, at spadina gardens clearly the best hakka resto in the city, when she gets the text from her brother in law that her sister michelle will begin pushing in 1/2 an hour (back-up, one moment...pushing means she is in labour!!!!). Both in complete excitement we flee the resto and race back to the hospital.
We go in to see Michelle, just before the doctor's come in and she is completely calm and ready to go. It was as if having a baby was a daily activity for her, I mean what happened to the screamming, out of control ladies on TV? I was soo incredibly confused, but she reassurred me that the drugs made her that calm..CLEARLYYY I will be taking every drug the doctor has, nooo attempt at natural pregnancy here, thank you!
Anyways, after saying our goodlucks, Alicia and I head to the waiting room where we sat with her mother, her other sister, her sister's inlaws and her brother -in law's best friend & partner. We all sat around giggling, laughing and sharing stories, while awaiting any news. And then about an hour or 2 later a text was recieved by the grandmother's first of the first picture of Joshua Neil, absolutley stunning. The minute the pictures come through the tears in the room start flowing, and the hugs and kisses begin. It was one of those moments where you get caught up in feeling how amazing life really is.
But as I sat there taking such a moment in, I began to realize that everything I wanted to write about was in front of me. How was it, that I could be surrounded by what I was? Michelle comes from a Trini family, whom represents the typical standard trini family, am I right alicia? And Devon her husband comes from your atypical Jewish family, you know predominant famlies, with lots of wealth, representing high society living. The two families were bound by their love and commitment to an unconventional path. Falling in love with people whom their families never expected for each of them, yet they stuck to it and allowed their love to endure, and with time any reserved or ill feelings the families had, were erased and together in that waiting room they sat completely harmonized by love.
On top of that sat with us Devon's best friend, who will b the God Father to Little Joshua. He was accompanied by his partner and you know what that means. A gay couple again bound to each other by their commitment to an unconventional path once again.
It was absolutely beautiful and gave me the thought that maybe I just stuck to unconventional paths becuase I followed my heart and my instincts and chose to not conform to what other people have wanted for me. While I know everyone has their best of intentions, I am coming to realize that if you really just stop and listen to your insides for a moment it will tell you everything you need to know.
And its when you hear that voice, you learn to trust, stay committed and stick to unconventional paths even in its most trying moments. This is why we never really give up on things we believe in, after all that is the power of commitment, isn't it?...
Til Next time
-A
Monday, June 21, 2010
FAITH - there is no better one, as long as you have it ...
I began writing a post on Sunday night with hopes of finishing it tonight. But as I reopened the post to continue writing about my view on SAT2 and how it soo much illustrates the life lessons I have learnt over the past bit. My mind was elsewhere.
As most of you know I have a weekly Tuesday Ritual and no its not the newly established slumber party at my parentals, but rather it is my visit to the Temple and as I began to write out a speech I have to give tomorrow night...my mind began to drift back to where/when it all started.
Thinking back on my life now, it is crazy to even think how this has become so routine for me in nature. It's not that I wasn't raised in a religious household, becuase I was. But like most kids you hear things growing up and you go through the motions of what your parents tell you to do and you do it and you don't question it becuase the reality is they are your parents and you don't second guess anything they tell you.
At the budding age of 19, I met someone whom I thought was the love of my life. And before I could even come to enjoy the idea of just being young and in Love I was faced with some of the hardest questions I would ever face in my life. He although Indian was a Suni Muslim and I of course was not. My life at that point quickly turned into an Indian Movie of sorts. And while the two of us, can sit back and laugh about some of the things now, we both know that while going through it, hell seemed like a lot better of a place to be.
Soon after my unforbidden Love bit the dust I met someone else, whom after many years became someone I could see my life with. He was not Indian and instead of being a Suni Muslim, he was Catholic. Over the years that we had dated I had gone to Church every sunday with him, family events that were in the church and even carried out catholic rituals like Lent. In the 4 years that we dated we ate indian food once and near to the end of our relationship he told me he knew that I prayed at mosque....funny becuase I thought only Muslims Prayed at mosque :S
It was after these failed relationships and the dawning of my sisters wedding that I began to question what I would do if I were too have kids tomorrow? I mean what would I teach them and where would religion stand in our family life? As I began to ask all these questions, I quickly realized that I didn't know anything to begin with. I mean I had spent most of my adult life trying to be the compromising girlfriend for most of my boyfriends that I had never taken the time to get to know anything about the religion that I was raised with.
So with this realization I embarked on the journey to figure it all out. I started going to the temple on Tuesdays and found through the services that i was learning about the things I was raised with and the idea's that my parents followed as they raised us. Having nearly minored in religion in University i could sit in the services and draw the connections between all the religions I had studied and realized that while the rituals made each religion different the underlying concepts were all the same. And really as much as we all like to point fingers, be fanatical at times and draw judgement all in all it is a really beautiful thing to understand that we are all really connected.
While i continued to go to the Temple every Tuesday, I began taking Yoga. And it is through Yoga, I have learnt the most about me, myself and my beliefs and where I see my kids as they grow. While I go to the temple every tuesday and I don't eat meat on Mondays and Tuesdays. Its all become a form of discipline for me and further my own little ritual that I have made. And while I think and believe that the Hindu religion is beautiful, I don't believe that it is the best or the better one to follow. In fact I have come to understand the idea of being spirtual and the importance of being raised with some religious backing. Thus whether you are raised catholic, christian, muslim, etc. it doesn't matter as long as you are raised having some belief that a higher power exists.
After all everyone needs something to believe in and while its tough to keep hope in serious moments of weakness, its that faith that ultimately gets us through it all and the kind of faith doesn't matter as long as there is some faith there to begin with :)
Here's to hoping I don't stutter toooo much tomorrow
-A
As most of you know I have a weekly Tuesday Ritual and no its not the newly established slumber party at my parentals, but rather it is my visit to the Temple and as I began to write out a speech I have to give tomorrow night...my mind began to drift back to where/when it all started.
Thinking back on my life now, it is crazy to even think how this has become so routine for me in nature. It's not that I wasn't raised in a religious household, becuase I was. But like most kids you hear things growing up and you go through the motions of what your parents tell you to do and you do it and you don't question it becuase the reality is they are your parents and you don't second guess anything they tell you.
At the budding age of 19, I met someone whom I thought was the love of my life. And before I could even come to enjoy the idea of just being young and in Love I was faced with some of the hardest questions I would ever face in my life. He although Indian was a Suni Muslim and I of course was not. My life at that point quickly turned into an Indian Movie of sorts. And while the two of us, can sit back and laugh about some of the things now, we both know that while going through it, hell seemed like a lot better of a place to be.
Soon after my unforbidden Love bit the dust I met someone else, whom after many years became someone I could see my life with. He was not Indian and instead of being a Suni Muslim, he was Catholic. Over the years that we had dated I had gone to Church every sunday with him, family events that were in the church and even carried out catholic rituals like Lent. In the 4 years that we dated we ate indian food once and near to the end of our relationship he told me he knew that I prayed at mosque....funny becuase I thought only Muslims Prayed at mosque :S
It was after these failed relationships and the dawning of my sisters wedding that I began to question what I would do if I were too have kids tomorrow? I mean what would I teach them and where would religion stand in our family life? As I began to ask all these questions, I quickly realized that I didn't know anything to begin with. I mean I had spent most of my adult life trying to be the compromising girlfriend for most of my boyfriends that I had never taken the time to get to know anything about the religion that I was raised with.
So with this realization I embarked on the journey to figure it all out. I started going to the temple on Tuesdays and found through the services that i was learning about the things I was raised with and the idea's that my parents followed as they raised us. Having nearly minored in religion in University i could sit in the services and draw the connections between all the religions I had studied and realized that while the rituals made each religion different the underlying concepts were all the same. And really as much as we all like to point fingers, be fanatical at times and draw judgement all in all it is a really beautiful thing to understand that we are all really connected.
While i continued to go to the Temple every Tuesday, I began taking Yoga. And it is through Yoga, I have learnt the most about me, myself and my beliefs and where I see my kids as they grow. While I go to the temple every tuesday and I don't eat meat on Mondays and Tuesdays. Its all become a form of discipline for me and further my own little ritual that I have made. And while I think and believe that the Hindu religion is beautiful, I don't believe that it is the best or the better one to follow. In fact I have come to understand the idea of being spirtual and the importance of being raised with some religious backing. Thus whether you are raised catholic, christian, muslim, etc. it doesn't matter as long as you are raised having some belief that a higher power exists.
After all everyone needs something to believe in and while its tough to keep hope in serious moments of weakness, its that faith that ultimately gets us through it all and the kind of faith doesn't matter as long as there is some faith there to begin with :)
Here's to hoping I don't stutter toooo much tomorrow
-A
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The God of Small Things.....
Yes I know sometime has passed since I last wrote, but I was in the midst of recovering from one of the many new domestic injuries I keep getting. Lucky for me this one left my thumb in several bandages and gave me the electricution hairstyle that caused many of my coworkers to wonder if I had fallen off the fashion bandwagon and into a bath tub filled with electric cords....lol
But I have now recovered and am sitting in my cute little apartment, wondering if it will ever feel like home. Whille the walls and shelves are filled with pictures and decor, I cant really fathom that this is really permanent and not some hotel room I have been forced to stay in while working. In fact the first few weeks here, I woke up in the mornings and opened the door to my apartment to see if the paper would be there :S But quickly I have learned that maid service doesn't exist in condo's and no one makes your bed and leaves chocolates on your pillow or free bottles of water which have now become a luxury to me.
And its not that I don't like it, becuase I love it. I just wonder how all these hotel rooms I have stayed in before became like home faster than something that is actually permanent like my apartment. I mean in just a few short days my Ugandan house became like this security blanket that I still think about at night and whille driving along hwy 1 the west coast left me glowing just as radiant as the sun and taking the tube London just felt like second nature. And yes I do know that the idea of settling into something takes sometime...maybe I am just beginning to wonder if this is really home for me and if it is, what's missing from the equation?
Regardless I will tell you one thing. Moving out has reminded me all over again about the "little things" and why I love them soo much, its almost like I have learnt to just cherish them that much more...
Let's face it, I have never been the girl to like expensive jewlry and gifts and while I wouldn't mind getting me some tiffany's at the end of the day its a single gerber daisy, a sweet comment and the effort and time that make the difference. The best gifts are the one's that show that you actually had to do more then walk into a store and pick something out...they show that you actually have begun to understand the people that surround you and are taking the time to show them that you have been listing and watching this whole time...
With that being said, I have begun a tradition that is what reminded of the little things. On Tuesday's I make the trek up to the Hill and slumber party it up with my rents. Every Monday Night as I pack my bag, I curse the idea of having to stay there, but then I get there and its as simple as my dad waiting on the driveway with open arms, or my mom having baked a cake for me that always causes me to tear up as I head home. Last nite, I continued the Tuesday night tradition. After a yummy dinner and some TV with the parentals, I headed for a shower. When I came out of the bathroom the house was dark and I knew that meant my parents had fallen asleep and a part of me was sad that I didn't get to say good night to them, becuase as my sister will agree - "goodnight hugs and kisses" are a tradition in our household. Anyways, as I headed into my room, there on my bed lay a note:
Good Night (insert dad's pet name that CAN NEVER BE REVEALED!) - Love daddy
Yes, i am a sap because I totally teared up. But thats just it. It was as if my dad just knew I would be sad that I didn't get to say good nite...And it was that Little note written on scrap paper that made any stress from the day disappear.
And with that I leave you all with the question of - WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAT BACK LOOKED AT THE LITTLE THINGS AND REALIZED JUST HOW LUCKY YOU WERE? shity days are shity days and they will continue on forever - but its the people that make you smile most on those days that really understand "The God of Small Things" and those are the people you should surround yourself with alll the time :)
Til Next Time
- A
But I have now recovered and am sitting in my cute little apartment, wondering if it will ever feel like home. Whille the walls and shelves are filled with pictures and decor, I cant really fathom that this is really permanent and not some hotel room I have been forced to stay in while working. In fact the first few weeks here, I woke up in the mornings and opened the door to my apartment to see if the paper would be there :S But quickly I have learned that maid service doesn't exist in condo's and no one makes your bed and leaves chocolates on your pillow or free bottles of water which have now become a luxury to me.
And its not that I don't like it, becuase I love it. I just wonder how all these hotel rooms I have stayed in before became like home faster than something that is actually permanent like my apartment. I mean in just a few short days my Ugandan house became like this security blanket that I still think about at night and whille driving along hwy 1 the west coast left me glowing just as radiant as the sun and taking the tube London just felt like second nature. And yes I do know that the idea of settling into something takes sometime...maybe I am just beginning to wonder if this is really home for me and if it is, what's missing from the equation?
Regardless I will tell you one thing. Moving out has reminded me all over again about the "little things" and why I love them soo much, its almost like I have learnt to just cherish them that much more...
Let's face it, I have never been the girl to like expensive jewlry and gifts and while I wouldn't mind getting me some tiffany's at the end of the day its a single gerber daisy, a sweet comment and the effort and time that make the difference. The best gifts are the one's that show that you actually had to do more then walk into a store and pick something out...they show that you actually have begun to understand the people that surround you and are taking the time to show them that you have been listing and watching this whole time...
With that being said, I have begun a tradition that is what reminded of the little things. On Tuesday's I make the trek up to the Hill and slumber party it up with my rents. Every Monday Night as I pack my bag, I curse the idea of having to stay there, but then I get there and its as simple as my dad waiting on the driveway with open arms, or my mom having baked a cake for me that always causes me to tear up as I head home. Last nite, I continued the Tuesday night tradition. After a yummy dinner and some TV with the parentals, I headed for a shower. When I came out of the bathroom the house was dark and I knew that meant my parents had fallen asleep and a part of me was sad that I didn't get to say good night to them, becuase as my sister will agree - "goodnight hugs and kisses" are a tradition in our household. Anyways, as I headed into my room, there on my bed lay a note:
Good Night (insert dad's pet name that CAN NEVER BE REVEALED!) - Love daddy
Yes, i am a sap because I totally teared up. But thats just it. It was as if my dad just knew I would be sad that I didn't get to say good nite...And it was that Little note written on scrap paper that made any stress from the day disappear.
And with that I leave you all with the question of - WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAT BACK LOOKED AT THE LITTLE THINGS AND REALIZED JUST HOW LUCKY YOU WERE? shity days are shity days and they will continue on forever - but its the people that make you smile most on those days that really understand "The God of Small Things" and those are the people you should surround yourself with alll the time :)
Til Next Time
- A
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